… she also manages the world.
Mothers… and all those who, with their love and attention, have been paving the
way since our first breath.
Breathing is life itself.
There is only one thing certain in life: the constant change.
The biggest lesson I learn as a mother is to be able to breathe as calmly and
rhythmically in tense situations as I have learned to breathe on the mat in the asanas
that are challenging or have been the case.
The biggest challenge for me is: practice the attitude of letting go. Not to intervene, not to control, but to accept. To accept and not take upon myself what I experience around me.
Being able to maintain my inner integrity in difficult situations.
Daily yoga enables me to be able to find my breathing awareness through the tense times.
When we are tense, we often
block our breathing or have shallow breaths. That’s when we start to see
everyday challenges as difficulties.
Tension breeds fear or anger in us and we begin to feed the misconception that we
need to change something: -the situation, our child’s behavior, or perhaps something wrong with us? But the only thing we need to change is to be able to stay present (and not escape) from difficult situations.
Why?
Because the moment we elite what we have, we no longer see reality, but project our own erroneous part into the lived event. We see into or are infused by our own unaccepted mistakes, shame, forgotten or deeply buried memories in which we are deeply damaged.
So how do we practice letting go?
Connect our breathing with our consciousness.
Just because we allow what we have, it does not mean that we do not change it if necessary, but that we do not escape the situation.
We allow ourselves to breathe and with it to feel: we feel the flurry of our child, all the difficult feelings that the uncomfortable situation creates in us. With acceptance, violence is replaced by tenderness. Our consciousness migrates from our minds to our hearts. This is the place where we have the opportunity to rewrite stories that only create pain.
Let go.
Surrender.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Heal.
2. The practice of openness to change:
As an individual, that is, before I became a mother, I thought of myself, I was quite flexible. I was able to transform my worldview, my diet, my surrondings overnight
Setting new goals for myself and making dreams come true that seemed unattainable at first.
As a mother, I was confronted with the fact that the flexibility I believed to be my own was just a semblance.
Children have the talent to be able to bring out of us and confront us with all the inner content that we want to deny. Suddenly we stand there facing our shadows. With shadows that are the infinite potential of our personality. An opportunity that only brightens up in our wildest dreams.
This inner fire can also burn us, become a smoke and lead us as
it turns into a bright flame. It’s up to us.
I try to stay open to the possibility of change. I try to flow together and seize opportunities that I truly embrace. I try to stay in motion, but in complete stillness. I allow the movements that follow each other in a continuous flow to change and thus bring me closer to the harmony that is born from the harmony that awakens in me.
3. Security:
I never thought I’d find my sense of security in setting healthy boundaries. One of the greatest realizations of my existence as a mother was that I was conflict-averse. However, disagreements are part of our daily lives. So I had no choice but to face this fear and resolve it in myself.
I realized that any disagreement is a great opportunity to get to know each other better. After all, our children did not come into our lives to mold them in our own image.
So I’m learning parenting that is supportive but not powerful. I try to help my daughter articulate her own needs and not impose my own. I try to take advantage of tense situations to practice mindful breathing. I try to fill the space in and around myself with love instead of fear.
4. The power of cognition:
As a mother, I realized that achieving perfection is not achieved by eliminating mistakes. Quite the opposite. Today, I am absolutely sure that without making mistakes, we would not have the opportunity either to broaden the world we know or to know ourselves better. Seeing it all is a very painful process for me who is always striving for the best.
As a mother, I realized that I needed to soften. I need to learn to turn to myself with more compassion. The moments when I’m not as conscious, attentive, or full of love – learning
not to widen them – by making me feel shame or guilt because of my stumbles.
Where does the misconception that I should have superhuman abilities come from?
Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. By our behavior, not by our words, is what our children are educated. A compassionate hug, a loving gaze in which all pain dissolves is worth more than every word.
Cognition brings its own realizations. Recognition creates awareness and where consciousness is, there are endless possibilities.
5. Freshness:
I usually find freshness in learning. In my opinion, dreams that were once formulated and not realized never expire. So I’ve started the process of dusting my Italian language skills. The skills that I started to develop 20 years ago. Because the passion and attraction still continues to live in me toward this language.
I know from experience how learning a new language can open doors in a person that she did not even know existed. It’s the development of new abilities, making new friendships, getting to know new places. It is a beginning of a new journey.
Today, during my language class, I was able to experience again the uncomfortable feeling of having a story, an impression, an experience, a thought, yet you can’t express it in words. Just like getting to know the world as a kid.
I try to keep the impact of this experience to myself long enough to remember it even when I’m standing there as a parent in tense situations with my visceral reactions. When I am able to receive seemingly impossible requests with curious contemplation; when I am able to slow down although I want to do it quickly; when I am able to listen instead of reacting immediately, I get a certainty that my daily yoga practice is not in vain.
After all, sudden reactions can be tamed. The response that was triggered by the influence of our strong urges and only made the situation worse. There are countless new opportunities.
7. Everything returns:
I knew a mother who left a promising musical career when her first child was born. When I asked her she said she transfered her love of music into singing. She replaced her violin with her voice. Because rocking and hugging a baby can only be done with two hands. And the little time that was there as a mother was easier to fill with vocals than with melodies from the instrument.
Her story stayed with me.
My little girl on one of the past mornings; amidst my tense, rushed mood, she reminded me that “she who loves me is not in a hurry.” It was as if I had heard the Dalai Lama talk about how: “you can rush with a calm heart!”
It got me thinking.
Butit would be nice to always be able to give our best even in our worst moments! To believe that as mothers, we ultimately manage the fate of the world. And to trust that in this responsible situation we have the best chances to dream of a tomorrow for our children in which they can wake up happy.
8. Map for emotions:
And…
Exhalation.
At this moment, I‘m not resisting what I have. I‘m just present and letting things unfold at their own pace.
Many times it would be “just” for us to remember this great truth: “Most of our suffering comes from believing that everything that bothers us should have been solved a long time ago.”
Dormant in the depths of the earth, the seed is not afraid of either light or darkness, because it uses both for its growth.
Sometimes it seems impossible for me to slow down and remember. I‘m rushing.
But sometimes I‘m able to ride the waves thrown by my emotions and thoughts. I‘m contemplative.
I was determined that in those moments when I was captivated by events; instead of getting annoyed I notice the possibilities in it. I’m learning to let myself go. I’m learning to build my toolbox. To always have either an uplifting, inspiring piece of music or a heartfelt, great piece of writing at my fingertips.
… which gently lifts and carries, takes you with light softness to the safe shore. Where I can breathe freely.
9. The power of intention:
As a female practitioner, I learned how to adapt my practice to my cycle. Later, as I lived through motherhood, I learned that by expressing my sincere intention to practice daily, I could receive teachings that would be unattainable without it.
Pattabhi Jois always encouraged his students to start a family, because real yoga begins then. He just kept smiling at the problems of the mind. Doubts are born from a mind that has not yet been sufficiently deepened in practice.
With a child, everything changes. Externalities are relegated to the background and inner experiences come to the fore. The visible, tangible, measurable; however, the experiences inherent in the invisible that arouse other perceptions and abilities are often small.
I discovered that I could do my practice in my mind. The movements of each set of movements can still be polished in this way, and the breathing can still be tuned this way. I discovered that I could do my practice when and where I could, even if I was interrupted countless times in the process. Even if I have to start over countless times. Even if the conditions are not ideal.
It’s a blessing to stand on the mat. It‘s a blessing to have awareness placed in your breathing. Quantity doesn‘t matter. Appearances do not matter. Only the power of intent.
This is what can keep you on the path you choose.
10: Lean back:
One of my favorite stories is about a master who is eagerly awaited in a village. When the children arrive, they dance around, people smile and offer food and space. Then they come before him and everyone tells him what they are asking for the help of the healing master.
His
fame also reaches the woman at the end of the village, who lives alone and in misery. When the master sets out on his journey, he walks past her house. The woman sits outside on the bench in front of her house and can‘t wait to address the master, “I have heard of the many miraculous healings that are your merit! Please heal me too!”
The
master kindly turns to her and says: “What have you learned from your illness?” To which question the woman turns mad, “What could I have learned? After all, I am poor, I am crippled, I live here on the outskirts of the village, because I am so ugly from my illness that people avoid me and children are afraid of me! What could I have learned, though?”
Hearing
all this, the master bows his head and just listens. Then he looks at the woman and says, “I can‘t heal you.” The woman can‘t believe her ears and yells out of herself, “Why not?” “Because–“…,” the master replies “… -you have learned nothing from your illness. Everything has a reason and a purpose. I can‘t take from you what you can get the most.”
This
story always makes me think when I‘m sick and recovery just doesn‘t come. What else do I need to learn? Where is the blessing hidden in this situation? I lean back instead of straining forward. Understanding is born in the quiet welcoming space.
viktoria maczo 